I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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