take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
