don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
