if i can run in heels then i can drive
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
