your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
