1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
