it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
