That's intense
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
