Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
