I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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