Me too!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
