Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
