thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
