Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
