It was confusing and full of hummus
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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