I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize