Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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