i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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