Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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