whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my shit smells like andre
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
