I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
