Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
