Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize