I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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