six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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