why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize