I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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