Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
