I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
