Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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