We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
