you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
