She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
