Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
