it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
