Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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