Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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