every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
