It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
