Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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