he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
