You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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