so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just gift wrapped bread.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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