We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
