if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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