There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
