dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
