Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
