as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
