Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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