i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
