is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
