mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
