Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
