Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
