Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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