You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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