Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
