a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
