I wish life had little blips of pornography
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
