Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
