This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
