I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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