I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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