also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
