Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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