I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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