i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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