he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
