I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
