the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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