I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
