I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
