I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
