Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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